My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
