We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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