No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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