Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
