He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
