Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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