No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
