in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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