whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
