so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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