He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
