Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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