I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
