Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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