What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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