My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
