Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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