I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
