Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
