Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
