I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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