Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
