Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How's work?
Spinning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
