first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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