from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
