i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
