My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
