thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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