Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Randomize
