I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
