Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
as a side note pls kill me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
