your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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