Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
