I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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