I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
