when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize