We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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