u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
