Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
