So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
