My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
