So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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