I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dicks are not precious.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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