Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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