Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
