I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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