There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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