wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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