It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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