I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
