I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
