Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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