I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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