Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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