OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
