on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
