Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
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