your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
