I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
