yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
