I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
