very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
