Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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