He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
