just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
