what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
