have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
