I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
