nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
